I haven’t updated since i haven’t felt the need to just write about things. But finally she is in fact my girlfriend. I was going to write a long piece just clearing things that bother me off my mind but i’m just gonna write it down as a “ill do it later”
She makes me feel less than she tells me. I over think things making little things bigger than they really are. i honestly feel lonely cause it feels like i only have a part of something and im missing the other parts. Why wont you take me? You have something good right now, right in front of you. Yet you make me feel like you’d give me away. If i told you i wanted to “break up” you would just nod an not fight it. sigh what a mess i’v become.
[ Lyrics ]
I know how you feel inside
You’re in love and so am I
But you are with some other guy
I should be the one by your side
He cheated
made you feel no good
I told you that he would
I knew he’d make you cry
You’re broken
Let me make it better
Glue you back together
Just give me a try
Pretty pretty Please
Don’t you ever ever feel
like you’re less than
F****in’ Perfect
if you get with me
I won’t ever make you feel
any less than
F****in’ Perfect
you’ll see
At his house you found her clothes
Tried to play you and say who’s are those
he’s so stupid
here’s how I know
what kinda genius would let
perfection go
He’s conceited , only ‘bout himself
He loves nobody else
He aint even fly
You’re broken
Let me make it better
Glue you back together
Just give me a try
Pretty pretty Please
Don’t you ever ever feel
like you’re less than
F****in’ Perfect
if you get with me
I won’t ever make you feel
any less than
F****in’ Perfect
you’ll see
It’s gonna take time girl
to heal that hole (he left)
Exactly how long I don’t know but
You got pain and I know a remedy
You gotta
Start kicking it with someone like me
Now you’re over analyzing all of your thoughts
Start to thinking it’s all your fault
But baby girl don’t you go and blame yourself
He’s just a douchebag
I was hoping
you’d let me replace him
I would straight erase him
Right out of your mind
Pretty pretty Please
Don’t you ever ever feel
like you’re less than
F****in’ Perfect
if you get with me
I won’t ever make you feel
any less than
F****in’ Perfect
you’ll see
Pretty pretty Please
Don’t you ever ever feel
like you’re less than
F****in’ Perfect
if you get with me
I won’t ever make you feel
any less than
F****in’ Perfect
you’ll see
i don’t want a weak heart that flows in random directions. I don’t want to be the person silent in a group of people just “being” there. I will enjoy my time being alive an not just in bed all day. I will take chances and risks to find out who i really am as a person. I want to be heard and understood and not be assumed to be something cause i didn’t do anything. I will do something that reflects who i am. Oh and the term, “it is what it is”. That’s only when you do nothing to change what’s happening in any given situation. I’ll change that too only for the better. I don’t want to be lazy and just waste my precious heartbeats when my heart could be used for something so much greater. I will change so i can avoid thinking like people with this mentality and lifestyle. I just don’t want to waste anymore than i already have.
So i noticed a problem in my diet. i simply eat way too much fast food. i hate it so i’ll change it. 90% of the time when im at Century ill eat 88% Rice Bowl. This consists of BBQ Chicken or beef, of fried mahi mahi or a cheeseburger with some thai tea, couple spam musabi’s and the rest of the menu. It’s horrible. I’m Horrible. So i decided to go on a boycott on fried goods. i decided the only thing i CAN eat at 88 is their viet sandwitches. Seems like its their most healthy food anyway…
Oh so double scheduling. i am working at century and cotton on and hopefully. it fucking works out. i just submitted 2 different availabilities from what i said i can do to both of my managers. If they pass than i’m gonna say fuck the world an drink couple of shots. if either one of them dont pass. gonna say fuck the world an drink more than a couple of shots. Really Simple. I want both jobs their so i can make the $$$ i want.
oh. i miss 412.
When you have a problem in a relationship
step one. isolate the problem
step two. identify the problem
step three. find solutions
step four. take actions that involve the solutions
step five. stick to those actions.
step six. is when you give up and go back to base one and say it’s gonna be different but you end up taking these steps again.
i wonder if humans are really that great after all?
Im tired of my “me” time. Me time is supposed to be once in a while when you have nothing to do. But me? nope. im stuck with just me. by myself. At work usually working by myself. When im home. By myself. Im sick of being with just me. I yearn to be with amalee. i love the “us” time ironically i can never get tired of her. but im at my limits with myself. i need a god damn hobby or just better friends that can spend some time with me. i think i have a headache right now cuz im having me time again.
fuck.
I am annoyed at the fact how you say were “cool” but we aint. It’s fucking obvious things wont be the same but this is bullshit. I don’t like to play games and i’m at that point where i will be straight in your face and say whats up? I lost this sort of patience in highschool and for me to feel ignored and avoided like this is childish. If were not cool please just fucking tell me so i wont consider you as friends so when i do see you guys around, i’ll just pass by. Life goes on but it would be nice to be with people to go along with it. I hate to think you guys were just friends cause it’s not like that. I Would like you guys back but that itself seems one sided.
My thoughts:
1. I’ll be working alot this week at century if my coworkers do give me their hours since they offered them to me. In short… when i work alot the less time i get to see you. the less time i get to see you the more i miss you. the more i miss you i’ll take every chance i have to see you. Meaning… even though it’ll be short (1-2) hours i want to see you and be with you. I want to play with your hair an hold your hands tight an just feel your cool touch. I just hope seeing me too much doesn’t bother you. I feel like i’m onesided when it comes to wanting to see each other. It feels weird when your not with me and i miss that feeling when your here. that safe feeling.
2. i dont want to deal with talking to my manager about my reduced availability. Been hearing alot lately she is a bitch when it comes to people who reduce their hours for another job. I dont want to explain why i got a 2nd job. which should be obvious. i dont make enough money at century. i try my best not to ask money from my parents. i PAY rent 500 something every month. thats basically living paycheck to paycheck an your apparently going to bitch at me saying i shouldn’t of changed my hours. You dont understand my situation so when you DO ask me for my reason. i will be 100% honest with you.
“I can’t live a healthy life with only this job, sometimes i eat once a day because of the fear of me being short on rent. Here you are bothered by the fact i changed my schedule an here is me putting myself on blast telling you things i honestly dont want to tell you. it’s not like i want a 2nd job. i NEED it. if you reduce my hours because your angry at me. thats fine. but please know i’m a independent man trying to live month to month.”
